Me: Sorry, you have the wrong number. Pizza de Resistance What is a Soldiers least favorite month? Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. Meanwhile, the sergeant glared at the others. 2. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time? Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. No, we dont, she said. Evidently, one of my classmates found the talk less than stimulating and fell asleep. Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get. While serving in Vietnam, my friend and his buddies were hunkered down in a mud-filled hole that had been dug into the side of a berm and covered with lumber for protection. 49. As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. We were inspecting several lots of grenades. Semper Pie All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. How tough? The main job of the military is to provide the country's citizens absolute protection from both internal and external attacks. As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. You had tents?" When the the Marine came back the Soldier nodded and thanked him for the drink, very pleased he pulled one over on the Marine. What does ARMY mean to you? !" Marine: "Wait, stop. An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. Read more. Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies. In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. S | Almost replaced left inside main tire. I will take the both of you for a ride. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? 30. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. When a Navy fighter pilot saw this, he decided to approach the man and see what he was doing. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. He says, Anyway, enough about me. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Want more amazing military jokes? A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. R-i-i-ing!) 43. Aviation Humor. 8. It was always selling out, and I could never keep it in stock. He replied, When they stopped shooting at me.. Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? Me: No, I dont. The local band hired to greet them was playing a popular hit of the time, I Wonder Whos Kissing Her Now.. The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. Theyre U.S. AF! Good news and bad news, my instructor said. See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. 36. Altitude is life insurance. You will not live long enough to make all of them yourself. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. Eternal Piece While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position? A Recruiter Misled You. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. OHH OHOH! Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. I heard this one from my basic training company commander. An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. 11. 45. Two Army second lieutenants started debating over certain distances. 8.3.4 Modern aviation history. 2. Their one extravagance: a bare light bulb theyd hung from the ceiling. One guy was reading a newspaper article from back home about a congressional investigation into why some troops were living in relative luxury. Collective Military Hardships One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal, 13. This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. Read more. 29. When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. USMC: OHH! On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. 4. Im 81 years old, he answered. U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. When they landed, the pilot turned to Warren and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. We were a tough group. "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race . Jokes about crayon eaters and narcissistic Air Force personnel will never get old, though. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a paring knife, I could peel these potatoes faster. The cook turned slowly to my father and said, Son, youre in the Army. What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? 5. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. It took the poor guy all day. StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. Between all the service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches. One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. Laugh or cringe but please enjoy. An Army Drill Sergeant took some recruits the the mess hall. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. Flight Announcements 4. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. What did you do? P | Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent. How much noise can we make up here? Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? However, even with full power, the little plane could not handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. The other replied, Not me! Airline Club Lounge Paradise like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures, 59. During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. MARCH! Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Eat up! Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Co-Pilot: What?!. While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, How many did you end up catching today.. As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. Guys, do you know some jokes related to military aviation? It was sheer brilliance. Thats Daddy. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? Then came Dads ships turn. It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: Dick, when youre finished, can you mail back my container?. What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite? My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. He nodded. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship? Then one day I couldnt find it. You the eighth, the old Marine answered. A LOOtenant! 'Never fly in the same cockpit. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. Yes, said the lieutenant. Fish Food. Every one knows the definition of a good landing is one you can walk away from. The Blonde Fighter Pilot His son had clearly focussed more on dividing rather than conquering. ", 55. You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. Francis Marion, the Swamp Fox, Revolutionized American Warfare. 3. To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? 1. Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week" The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. Problems reported by Pilots and Solutions noted by Aircraft Engineers in aircraft Technical Logs. He told them "you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before". Our motto was We never retreat, we just backspace.. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Soldier: Sure, buddy. 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? Officer: Thats no way to address an officer! When I spotted a Navy captain on the street, I saluted and bellowed, LST 395, which was the designation and number of the ship I served on during World War II. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. Divert your course NOW! Where are you from? Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position", 18. All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. 14. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? The soldier swore under his breath at the Marine and told him he wanted to get up and get a drink. No copyright required, as all content is freely available on 1,000s of websites. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it If it doesnt move, pick it up. Do not attempt to shave with fire. Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. Rodrigues there? Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. Home; Jokes; Pictures; Videos; GIFs; Runway 37 Comics; Weird Wings; Today I Learned; Quizzes; Jokes. Me: No. I say again, stand down and divert your course. Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. 17. Without a letter from public affairs, well have to take your camera. I did the only thing I could do: I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and wrote a letter giving myself permission to take photos. 46. Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! What are you doing? I asked. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy. A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass except me. As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. Me: Hello? The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? So, instead, they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? Rodrigues? I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. Even his son turned up. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I will not charge you. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. These pilots' jokes can easily be turned into a pilot pun and other airlines' jokes. ", "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. Marine: Wait, stop. The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?, Without hesitating the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth! The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Air Traffic Control 6. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. We have one or two in here! ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". And )second When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. 3. I am so happy you are risking your life for the USA! After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. Louis, I grumbled. Economy Class Conditions under which transportation of animals would constitute a criminal offence, 57. It was sheer brilliance. You might be in the Coast Guard if you claim to have every woman in the port, yet youre at an ashore unit. (Hang up. Theres a post recall and he has to go to work. Did it work? Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound!