After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Jim is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Karen. nay I my child, and eke, oh! Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. Short Golf Sayings And Quotes For Good Luck Shots, Funny Golf Quotes For Ladies And Gentlemen, TOP 30 Best Sayings On Theory | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, TOP 30 Meaningful Sayings On Sweet Love | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Notable Quotes About Subtle | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, TOP 30 Meaningful Quotes About Volunteerism | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Top Quotes About Snuggle | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 27+ Revolutionary Sayings On Hysterical | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Favorite Sayings About Hypocrites | Free Hd Background Images Download, 92+ Meaningful Sayings About Hypocrisy | Free Hd Wallpaper Images Download, 21+ Creative Sayings About Hypnosis | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, 12+ Beautiful Sayings On Hype | Free Hd Background Pictures Download. These are results of some deep thoughts and observations from their lives and are like our lives because we are all human. 6. No, but I'm willing to screw in them. If you like football - I would rather think that you are active, optimistic and strict a bit. By stragetically placing fire hydrants. As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. Nothing. Lee Trevino, 59. Enjoy the game, enjoy these best golf jokes. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! Many golfing terms sound naughty. 1. Watch their eyes. I never learned anything from a match that I won. Bobby Jones, 62. Drops him off at the golf course! What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? You are signed up for our newsletter! Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't All Spiritual Signs & Inspirational Signs, TV Stands, Media Tables, & Media Furniture, The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things. Besides that, I love to explore. Knock, knock So we finish the 18th, and he's gonna stiff me. the flag cant jump. These funny golf quotes and images coming from famous wise people are the most precious words worth sharing. Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. Your email address will not be published. If you drink, dont drive. You hit down to make the ball go up. You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. I Am Shuvo Saha. After 18 holes I can barely walk. You may share any of these heartfelt photos with funny golf quotes without hesitation. Golf is more complicated than that. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." -Lee Trevino "Golf is my profession. Don't dirt your soul. He's the one getting his balls cleaned. You can talk about strategy all you want, but what really matters is resiliency. Hale Irwin, 50. It will test your patience. A lot of Seniors love playing golf and also, they love jokes. I like big putts and I cannot lie. "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember Jim Murray. 4. Ive got some real trouble down here., Don comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: Whats the matter, John? 19. Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. Noah. I told my coach I got a new set of clubs for my wife. Whos there? You okay with that? Although the same can be said of the rest of the items on this list, just reading the quote doesn't really do justice to its comedic value. Hi there! Why is Hearts a golfers worst card game? Why don't golfers in England work in the afternoon? When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. Your email address will not be published. She lined the ball up carefully and confidently stroked the winning putt. Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. And maybe that same element inspires the poets, writers and artists to pay homage to golfor at least lament its cruelty. If we weren't, we'd take up a less infuriating hobby, like knitting. I . You're like an ugly dog-leg, but I'd still like to tee off. The true funniest golf quotes of all time are likely never put to paper and aren't spoken by golfers or celebrities. GOLF DIGEST MAY EARN A PORTION OF SALES FROM PRODUCTS THAT ARE PURCHASED THROUGH OUR SITE AS PART OF OUR AFFILIATE PARTNERSHIPS WITH RETAILERS. There are no time constraints, as there are in other sports. And it matters how we go about attaining them. However, every person playing the game has the basis of good mental skills for golf. My caddy says I should use a hard 7. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. 3. "I'm in my bed you're in your bed ". Boo who? The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. ", G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. "Gunga galunga gunga, gunga-galunga." A two-foot putt to win a bet or a tournament or a Masters is another thing entirely. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, Its golf balls., The blond looked at him compassionately and said: Oh you poor thing. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. Achieve more with each and every round you play.Go Premium to et full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. Missed the ball and sank the divot. Bob Bruce One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. Lee Trevino. It means, in so many words, that if you can golf when the wind is blowing youre a man; if not, youre still a boy. After 18 holes, I can barely walk. As in, surf the web, gather knowledge, and share them. Andy who? Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. Lorii Myers, Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. The lowest score wins. Dont break your heart, but flirt with the possibility. Louise Suggs, 8. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. What did the golfer say after performing yoga? The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. Beyond this, the comedian and violinist (an epic combination) made the above joke about golf. Oh my God, what have I just said?". So, I'm on the first tee with him. 3. Brent Musberger, If you break 100, watch your golf. Spread your legs a little more. Fore! Two couples were enjoying a competitive, best-ball match wives against husbands with the losers buying lunch and a libation. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges Full Text: Please do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. P. G. Wodehouse, The difference between a good golf shot and a bad one is the same as the difference between a beautiful and a plain woman a matter of millimeters. clubs. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. Colleen Ferrary Bader, Behold, my child, this touching scene, the golfer on the golfing-green / Pray mark his legs uncanny swing / The golf-walk is a gruesome thing! 5. Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a468f26f096b5aaed8fdef8efc580f6f" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Golf is a lot like life. How far do you hit it? said Palmer. If the point of golf is to hit the ball less, then do I win if I don't play at all? Dec 10, 2020 - Explore Shelby Clark's board "Dirty Golf" on Pinterest. Why don't golfers ever eat pie? Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55. Get in the hole! So what's it gonna be today, Stroke Play or Skins? And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." Lorii Myers, Perhaps more than any other sport, golf focuses pressure on the player. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls." What do you call a blonde at the driving range? How you handle failure determines how successful you will be. Muffet McGraw, 26. John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here. Are you into kinky stuff? putt." What do you call Jessica Alba joining you and your buddies for a round of golf? Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. . Phyllis Diller, with her outrageous teased hair and housewife caricature stage persona, was a master of delivery and comedic timing. All the fans are gone! I'm known on the tour for having a lengthy club. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing youre a bad golfer. Where is the best place to go on vacation? Robert Fuller Murray, I am relying on the theory that playing golf is just like riding a bike and that I havent forgotten how. If you dont take it seriously, its no fun, if you do, it breaks your heart. His comment gets at a few things: the wondrous and fascinating aspects of the game and its tendency to make bold-faced liars of its participants. It can be difficult. Find the ball. Im going to wash my balls, you want yours washed, too?, My arms are tired, I had so many strokes.. Peter Jacobson, 33. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". 2. 47 Hilarious Quotes About Driving. Golfing is like masturbation, sex, or pooping?! The grass is clean, a lawn laundry that wipes away the mud, the insect, the bramble, nettle, and thistle, an Eezy-wipe lawn where nothing of life, dirty and glorious, remains. Go Premium to get full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. Paul Gallico, I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. Im a friend and all Im going to do is give it a nice little ride. Sam Snead, 35. Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. H. G. Wells, The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. Fantastic 4-some. On a golf course, nature is neutered. Required fields are marked *. ~ Sijin Bt. Although worried this will slow him up, the younger man says, Of course. To his surprise, the old man plays quickly. Why dont skeletons play golf? You will find the quotes being used everywhere, coming from ordinary people like us, who are just famous. 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. Simpson, Most people play a fair game of golf If you watch them. Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? Please sign up with your best email address. Her husband thought that this was a riot and laughing said, Right train, wrong ticket., The wife failed to see the humor and not cracking a smile replied, No sleeper cars on that train either, Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. Henry Beard, Like clubs inside my golf bag / each verse a different face / Some to drive straight down the course / others lift and then embrace. I am a Musician. I give him the driver. A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. I have 10 sons, one more and I will have my own football team., To which the Mormon replies, You fellas aint got a clue. Thats how long a Scotsman takes to finish a bottle of Scotch! How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? What does he do if you miss a putt?, Friend: Somersaults? I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1. That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. Whos there? In golf as in life, it is the follow through that makes the difference. Anonymous, 34. Originally posted by raffa nunyez. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." My doctor told me I cant play golf. Oh, when did he play with you?. In a way, this quote is a stand-in for the entire volume of comedic wit and great golf quotes in Caddyshack. The end. Youre shooting for the green, and yet, in the end you find yourself in the hole. 21. Why dont grasshoppers play golf? The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. Golf is about how well you accept, respond to, and score with your misses much more so than it is a game of your perfect shots. Dr. Bob Rotella, 64. I derive a great deal of pleasure from it, but it is disgusting to watch. "I'm the best. The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt. Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. I like to go low. But there is a difference between playing well and hitting the ball well. Which is the easiest golf stroke? Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't: 10. Its not just enough to swing at the ball. Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? They like cricket better. You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play where it lies." Bobby Jones 23. Tiger Woods can drive a ball three hundred yards! Because subtraction speaks louder than words. But dont take it from us, check out the funny golf quotes below and enjoy a laugh or two. Enjoy! You grind it out. Tiger Woods, 54. Why did the golfer have to change his socks? "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off." Bruce Lansky 15 of 50 Scott Halleran/Getty Images "On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. Everyday I'm Schauffele. Well, what can you really say about the great Chi Chi Rodriguez's quote? Big pupils lead to big scores. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you cant improve your lie. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. These quotes and images about funny golf are the truest, wisest, and most positive ones to be found on the web. This position should feel sort of unnatural and should permit you to hook the ball without altering your golf swing. Noah who? My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! Full Text: Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? Where do ghosts play golf in the afterlife? My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. Intercourse! In case they get a hole-in-one! Rory McIlroy has a GOOD driver! 7. Jay Griffiths, Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. no! Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? Fore-get Me Nots. Are you looking for some funny jokes? I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. When your golf cart capsizes. Philip Wyeth, Hitting down is an important part of iron play. Henry Beard, If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you dont have to waste energy going back to pick it up. Are you a water hazard? Jack Lemmon is probably remembered best for his roles in The Odd Couple and The Apartment. I'll let you beat me. Have fun. As you walk down the fairway of life, you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. Ben Hogan, 25. Nay! If you break 80, watch your business. Even though youre a little ashamed of what you have done, you know you will do it again. 3. Of course, after painting the Mona Lisa, you'll likely soon be back to bleeding. You want some dirty golfing jokes, we got them for you. That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. If you worry about the ones you missed, you are going to keep missing them. Walter Hagen, 47. That round was so poor, I think Im going to jump into the lake by the 16th and drown myself, I honestly doubt that. I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: its called an eraser. Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently. Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? The little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. Funny Golf Quotes You know you're on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do. The other 20. Is your body a shot that comes up short on the 17th hole of the Old Course at St. Andrews because I can see it rolling around in the sand? There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th. Two, be your own person. Chuck Hogan, Dont play too much golf. Joey Adams, A well-hit golf shot is a feeling that goes up the shaft, right through your hands, and into your heart. Toggle Navigation Menu . A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. 2. "Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.". Achieve more with each and every round you play. Robert Fuller Murray, Golf is a fascinating game. 8. What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? Gerald Ford, If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. What are a golfers favorite flowers? James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. 1. We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? If you think it's hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong golf ball on the An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it's always possible to get worse. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." -Bob Hope "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." 20. Sir W.G. You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will And now it will be poisoned for you. A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. 4. Your email address will not be published. "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. What do you call a lion playing golf? P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. Gerald Ford, I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Id spent about half the day in the woods. Happy Gilmore. 1. See more ideas about golf quotes, golf, golf humor. He said. Family Game: Do you really know your Family? Why are computers such naturally good golfers? A married couple were golfing when all of a sudden the wife asks, Wife: Honey, if I die, will you marry again?, Wife: Will you let her sleep in our bed?, Wife: Would you even let her use my golf clubs?. P-U-T-T means merely a futile attempt to do the same thing.. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. 2. I always said you have to be really smart or really dumb to play this game well. You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. Putter Around. Siegfried Sassoon, Golf is the infallible test. So what are you waiting for? David Brenner, For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.